His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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