Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
