I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
