Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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