sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
