Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize