i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
