Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
