I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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