my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
