Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
