Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
