um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
