I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize