Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
