Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
