"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
