she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
