hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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