Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
