sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can text with my tongue
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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