My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
