Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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