U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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