i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
