You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
