would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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