cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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