i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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