Apparently you make a good broom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize