She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
