I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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