and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
