a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
