He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
