we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
