You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
