she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i would punch a child for taco bell
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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