Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
