have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
