Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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