Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
