before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
