she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
