he puts the penis in happiness.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
