You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
