every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
