So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
