I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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