here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
