Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
