White coat. Heels.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
