i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
