Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
