Porn is love you can see.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
