24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
