I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
