i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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