wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
