i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
