hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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