cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
