he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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