Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
