dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
