How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish my penis had a tongue
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
