WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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